Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Thorn in My Side

"for I was given a thorn in my flesh but I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer...for when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 2:7-10
(loosely quoted)

(Image courtesy of google search)

When we look ourselves in the mirror and can admit our weakness and troubles and seek out wisdom from loved ones is when our weakness has the ability to turn into strength.

I have a beautiful life.

Truly, I do.

I delight in creating each blog post that shows the joys of my daily life,
each and every beautiful and exciting detail.

BUT...Picture this! You are all familiar with the simple program Microsoft Paint, right? So I'm going to paint a heart using this program. This heart is my life and represents all the happiness that my life is!

Uh oh...can you see that little gap in the heart?
Of course my life is full of problems and frustrations, but overall, my life is happy.
Annnd what about that gap?

Maybe it's not a big deal.
The heart still looks nice.
It.Just. May. Work.

Or not...because you all know that when we are using MS Paint and we try to color in the heart a pretty blue using the handy paint pail....

That the paint will bleed right through that gap and ruin the entire picture, filling in every space on the page INSTEAD of just the heart, which was the intended space.

like this:
So even though I thought that little tiny gap wouldn't make a difference, it MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE! In fact, I couldn't even finish my picture in the way I imaged it to because of that little gap. It didn't matter that the heart was pretty as is. Until the gap was closed and corrected, the picture was left unable to be finished.

My little, adorable life has a terrible thorn, an injury that is extremely personal and damaging to me. Self inflicted pain is unhealthy and destructive.

I am a little person inside just like each one of you.
With a little heart,
and little feelings,
trying to live in a big world.
Past hurts have clung to me
and even though the sun shines so brightly in my life now
I am a prisoner to my own made disease.

In these last few weeks I have learned that the first steps to healing is acknowledging the issue, opening up to receive wisdom, and accepting the reality. Because I really want my life's heart to have no injured gaps so my mission on earth can be fulfilled!
Me 2010

Do you still nurse past pain? Do you struggle with current hurts? The best way to find the deep strength to overcome is to surrender it first...."for when we are weak, then we are strong."
Me 2010

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” Isaiah 43:2-3a


Jill said...

Let me first start by saying, you are lovely. Secondly, we all have a little gap and you are not only brave for admitting that you are not perfect (none of us are) but you are giving God the opportunity now to heal the gap-and He will! Keep pressin on my friend! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you te desires of your heart :)

portatoredichrist said...

The hurt you feel torments your soul,
Infringing on your life.
This is what must happen,
When a husband hurt his wife.

You were with me when it happened,
You stayed through hurt and pain.
I'll be with you while you're healing,
Your cries for help are not in vain.

I want to hold you tightly,
And dry your precious tears.
But I know this hurt runs deeply,
It's been buried deep for years.

God can make things better,
He can make you new again.
But souls like ours can struggle,
With asking him to come in.

You're a beautiful person in and out,
Everyone here sees that.
I hope someday you see it too,
Sweetheart it's a fact.

Healing is a journey,
Another part of life.
You need not travel all alone,
I'm here for you my wife.

Many people here do love you,
We check back every day.
Just to see what our dear sweet Lisa,
Is doing or will say.

You need not hurt alone,
We're here to help you through.
We'll travel this road together,
Grateful to be traveling with you.

Anonymous said...

I love you! You are soooo beautiful, inside and out... and this post is so beautiful too! I'm so proud of you! I pray you get well soon.. you are one of the strongest people I know and I know you can do it! I am ALWAYS, ALWAYS here for you!!! xoxoxo. -Brandi

Leanne said...

Oh, Lisa I don't know you well, only through blogging, but this post made me sob. I love my life now, but I haven't had an easy one. My childhood was very difficult and I still struggle with some problems to this day dealing with it. I look at things I've done and how I handle certain situations and want to cringe. I love my children and my husband and that's what keeps me going. I know my Heavenly Father is there for me, watching over me and protecting me in my moments of doubt and pain. I know he is doing the same for you. I pray that your heart will be healed. Doug and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this year but it has not all been without hurt and pain and some of it has taken longer than others to heal. I love where we are now, but we're all human and sometimes make mistakes that can hurt for many years. You have an adorable family to cherish and love. Stay healthy and strong for them. Many hugs! Leanne

Miller Racing Family said...

What a great post. The heart illustration really drove home the point about not being perfect. Thank goodness God loves us no matter if we are perfect or not. Thanks for a very thought provoking post.
Have a fabulous day!

Michelle said...

Thanks for sharing! It is a good reminder that no of us are perfect and we all struggle.

*The Beautiful Life* said...

Wow. I'm speechless. Like you, I have a private, deep struggle/pain that, while I feel I have overcome it, does still linger in my heart -- like a thorn in the flesh. I've chosen to see it as a wound now healed, with the stronger scar tissue in place, allowing me to always know there was a wound, but to be able to be a help to others who may also have the same struggle.

You are amazing. Your courage is an example

And, my dear, you are beautiful. When I scrolled down to see the pics, I had to remember to breathe. I stared at them thinking they, too, must be from Google or something. Nope. They were you. The amazing, strong, courageous YOU. :)

You are loved,


Beth@The Stories of A to Z said...

So many of us are the walking wounded. Me included. I think part of maturing in Christ is allowing him to sanctify those wounds and hurts. By yielding the pain and forgiving past wrongdoings we find healing and freedom. It's a long journey. One I'm still on but growing in. Blessings to you for being brave enough to reach out and admit where you are at in your own process towards wholeness!

Nancy said...

Pretty Lisa, Christ knows you are doing your best and he'll fill in the gaps for you. Your pictures are gorgeous, but I do wish you were smiling. It makes me sad to see you so sad. I love you!

Becca said...

Lisa, I'm sorry you're going through something. It's hard to see the full picture and understand why we have to go through hardships, but it is usually then that we grow the most. I know I wouldn't grow much if my life was perfect all the time. Just know that EVERYBODY has ups and downs. I Love You!

Kathleen Grace said...

I had a hurt that I carried with me for many years. It involved my mom and feeling unloved. God gave me a dream that showed me that holding on to that hurt was hurting me. In the dream I was a little girl in a crowd holding a red balloon. Everyone was holding baloons. I could see my mother far away at the other end of the crowd and I was trying to get to her. I couldn't. My balloon was tangled in everyone elses and I could not get to her without letting go of it. So I did. And now I am free of that hurt. It's gone. I don't now what your hurt is, but I know that God is sufficient in meeting your need. I will pray that you find a solution to your pain.


Ruby Red Slippers said...

It is true, we all have hurts that need to be healed-I read the book of Romans quite a few years back in a Bible study, and finally forgave myself for some some decisions I had made in my past...
God will guide you through what you are going through-
This was very touching that you shared what you did-couragous!
God Bless-

Jane said...

My dear friend, Lisa,
I shed tears when I read your post. It touched me at the core of my being. Your pain is palpable...and my heart hurts for you. But realize that you have taken a giant step toward healing by admitting your weakness, your pain...that you are imperfect. By doing this, you have opened the door for the Holy Spirit to fill that heal that wound. The thorn may never truly be removed (remember Paul spoke of the thorn in his side), but as one of your blog friends said, scar tissue will cover that gap. When this happens, your heart will fill with joy.

Each pain...each used by God, to strengthen us. Yes, it hurts...for a little while, or maybe even for a long while. But as the scripture you quoted says, God, our Savior, walks with us through the floods and flames. He truly does!(I can attest to this!!!) One day, you will notice that the pain has receded...or even disappeared. And your heart will be full.

Share your hurt with your family and special friends...perhaps, even a professional. Let them know that you need their support...whether it's through a hug, a service, prayer...or whatever. When we bottle the hurts inside and give the usual "I'm fine" response, we take away the opportunity for others to minister to us...something that may be in God's plan and important for them to do for their personal growth. (It took me a long time to understand this concept.)

Know that I am praying for you...for your husband...for your children. And I am sure you are being lifted in prayer by the many people, whose lives you have touched. You are truly loved, Lisa. Healing will come. And your joy will no longer seep out of your heart.
Heartfelt hugs,
Jane (artfully graced)

Ranelle said...

The song, "Blessed be the name of the Lord" has carried me through some very dark times and has helped me refocus when I am tortured by the memory of those times. Thank you for sharing your heart!

Kelly said...

I'm sorry you're hurting. I pray you are on the path to healing and that you grow from the current pain.

Also, you are gorgeous -- and you look so young!

♥Aubrey said...

Amazing...each and every word i held onto and shook my head in agreeance!!!

We all have a gap in our hearts...things that come through and make differences each and everyday. We must learn to live with these and perservere it's our strength and will that make us who we are.

Jessica Loukota Leimback said...

I heart aches a bit after reading this but know your strength. Your acknowledgment of your weakness only makes you stronger and will move you forward in your journey. It is okay to have some time to reflect on you and what you want and need in life.

My sister always reminds me it is okay to think myself and what I want once in awhile. I spend every breathing minute worrying about my babies, spouse, family, clients, friends...what about us!

I am always here and enjoy your calls! I will be thinking of you. You are so brave to share so much!

Judy@cutest-little-things said...

Lisa - when I found your blog, I was drawn to it because of so many similarities I see between us. Like me, you seem like such a passionate person - someone that LOVES so it comes as no surprise to me that someone so passionate with such a BIG BIG heart, would feel things so deeply. That's what makes you so special, my friend. But with that comes BIG hurts, and big disappointments. Don't be too hard on yourself, or those around you that have let you down {easier said than done, I know}. For no one is without faults...those faults, those transgressions, those seemingly imperfections are what make us all UNIQUE in the eyes of God.

Sending you hugs, warm thoughts, and friendship...with prayers that you find the peace you're seeking now that you've found your inner strength, voice, and courage.


Melissa Miller said...

Oh my goodness I hope you doing okay Lisa. I'm praying for you my sweet friend.

Take Care. ~Melissa :)

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a wonderful post....I have one of those gaps....

So glad that you liked the calendar...We are heading to Co this week...We fly into Vail on Friday and hope to see some snow.

Jen R. said...

YOu said things wonderfully! I think we all have small personal pains that plaque us. I know in blogland our lives seem so perfect, but I know many of us gloss over the troubles. Lovely post.

Melissa Miller said...

Hi Lisa,
It was so good to hear from you today! I'm hoping this finds you doing well.

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement on my new healthy life. You just made my day!

It has been a fairly easy journey for me to stick with this. It was all brought about by fear of my high B/P and now I'm sticking with it because of how much better I feel. It's just amazing what healthy food and exercise does for our bodies in the long term.
It's addictive once you get into a routine!

I do hope you join me my friend!
Let me know how you are doing with it okay.

Take Care, ~Melissa :)

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

When I was little I often heard "That which does not kill us can only make us stronger." or "God never gives us more than we can handle." I used to hate being told this but as I grow older and reflect on past trials I realize how true these statements are.
I hope that you will soon make it through this trial and please know I am praying for you.

Jenny said...

Hi Lisa. Sometimes the sharing starts the healing. If you need to share I am always willing to listen. Hugs, hope and prayers coming your way.

jenjen said...

You are beautiful! Wonderful post Lisa, it really touched me. Life is so hard sometimes. I know I don't know you very well, but I can tell from your blog and the comments that you have left me that you are a wonderful, sweet caring person. I am glad you are turning to God for help, I don't know what I would do without my faith. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Sending you hugs across the miles!


Clueless_Mama said...

This was a powerful post and it looks like you touched a lot of people with it. You are in my thoughts. Thanks for sharing this with us.