I'm learning a lot lately.
A whole lotsa lot.
I've learned to simply believe my husband. He thinks I am beautiful and valuable. I learned to relax and believe him even though I haven't felt beautiful for years. Making the choice to believe him and not brush off his words or question why he would tell me that is more difficult than imagined! For a long time I've hidden feelings within that told me my scale weight hasn't earned me any value as a woman yet. He tells me differently. I've learned not to ignore his words, but to accept them as real and to know that he truly feels that way about me, and that it's not up to me to define how he feels, it's up to him.
relax girl, it's OKAY.
I've learned that food has no morals. Food in its basic form is simply FOOD. It has been elevated in our current lives as some sort of idol and god. I've learned that vegetables aren't gods and that desserts aren't the devil. And I've learned that what I eat doesn't determine whether or not I'm a good or a bad person. Balance is golden, obsession is destruction. The sense of taste is one of five God-given senses humans are given to experience life.
I've been under the bondage of practicing perfectionism since I was young. I've now learned that perfectionism is bad. After I finally "got it" I had to tell myself that over and over again. Perfection is bad. Bad. Perfection isn't something to boast about. It is a character flaw, not a character enhancement. Striving for excellence is beautiful but perfectionism isn't respectable, cool, or admirable. It's pitiful. It's pride on our sleeves. And I've learned to be discerning as I determine whether or not I'm striving for excellence or whether I'm reaching for perfectionism. Excellence says that we are valuable humans, with individual gifts to use to our fullest potential for a full life. Perfectionism says we have no value unless we are perfect and it shows that our motives are prideful, not motives to enrich our lives with excllence but instead designed to coldly paint our lives with pride.
I've always firmly believed in striving to be the best we could be, working diligently on goals, and improving ourselves...and I still do. But I'll now stumble along with all my imperfections, making improvements and growing along the way instead of requiring perfection.
I've learned that true forgiveness is hard and that I need Jesus to hold my hand and walk me through it over and over again. I've learned that letting go is a beautiful thing-- just as beautiful as love is or flowers are or the sunrise is.
I've learned that living an authentic life means living in freedom and peace within. Being vunerable and revealing who I am, the good and the bad has set me free.
I've learned to finally let go of my worries of what people think of me. Why do we do that anyways?! And for once, it worked! I have been living in the freedom of other people's possible judgements of me and my life. I.don't.care. anymore and that makes me want to laugh, jump up and down, and clap my hands. I'm excited to have reached this place in my spirit. I'm a sensitive girl, so it's a learning process, so my feelings still get hurt sometimes, but then I release it and it's gone *like POOF* and it doesn't affect my daily life and holds no power over my actions.
I've learned that there are many people with beautiful hearts woven throughout the patchworks of our world. I've learned to celebrate each of our individual talents and to embrace the talents of others! It's amazing how much our lives could be enriched when we happily rejoice in other's talents, learning and celebrating as we go along.
I've learned that God is always there in all His majesty. He isn't confined to the walls of a church. He walks with us, talks with us, dwells with us in a mighty way...just as we are.
Peace that passes
I've learned that it's OKAY that I have struggles. It's not easy, but it is nothing I need to be ashamed of. I have a struggle that I've referenced in my blog before and it paralyzes a big section of my life. But this is me, all of me, and I can't delete it out of my life. I must face it without shame. Someday my desire is to share the whole story with you all.
I've learned that even though I've always been a strong person, I am weaker than I ever thought I was as I've stop denying my battles and instead starting waging war against them.
But I've also learned that healing begins in my weakness, not in my strength.
Good thing I really LOVE to learn because I've been learning a lot in this last year. Most of all I remember that "God's mercies are new every morning."